8/13/09

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: Coping Strategies

A list of seven things you can do to make the film, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, more entertaining.

7. Pretend It's a documentary about an extreme LARP.

6. Let Marlon Wayans' presence lead you to believe the entire film is simply a very long and well funded In Living Color sketch. Wait for Fire Marshall Bill.




5. Sneak a flask of firewater in with you and drink every time a "serious moment" is laugh-out-loud stupid.

4. Scan clumps of extras and bit parts for anyone who could have played Roadblock or Shipwreck.





3. Pretend it isn't a movie but a very special episode of Punk'd and the joke is on Dennis Quaid.



2. Mentally recast the film with actors from "The Office" and "How I Met Your Mother". *This may require mind altering drugs.*

1. Bring your MP3 player. Every time a character reaches out desperately for another, things go into slow motion, or Marlon Wayans has a line, cue up the chorus to "Wind Beneath My Wings". Bonus points for using this version.

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