A Raging Titter

Jethro Tull: Cross-eyed Mary

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:15:00 +0000

Endless Fascination.

That's the only way to describe my relationship with this song. I've always had soft spot for the angel with dirty wings. Maybe that's why I think that everyone gets this song wrong. It's not simply a woeful tale of child prostitution among low lifes and pedophiles. It's an intimate and playful portrait of a young girl with a deeply misguided social conscience. She chooses the earthy experiences of the lower class to those of her own and her reasons are known only to her. Why she "favors" the poor man with something "good and strong", we may never fully understand. But those words also perfectly describe the marriage of the melody and the narrative in this unyielding prog rock classic.

President Obama Derided Down Mexico Way.

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 05:50:00 +0000

Unless you've been living under a particularly large wifiless rock in the desert of the uninformed, you've seen the image of Barak Obama photoshopped to look like Heath Ledger's Joker with the word "SOCIALISM" written in a big scary font. Well, like every other great thing done in America, there's now a cheap mexican knockoff.

Pink flyers have appeared, first in Mexico City, now in almost every other urban center in Mexico. The pink flyers, depicting President Obama in a shade of blue familiar to everyone who went to gradeschool in the time of mimeograph machines with the phrase "Pinko Stinko!" surronding his head in a Soviet inspired font. Unverified reports have placed these flyers as far north as El Paso.

The first question on every rational mind is, of course, why is anti-Obama propaganda showing up in Mexico? Anti-Obama sentiment is certainly nothing new here in the states, but the homebrewed and old school nature of this propganda leads one to the conclusion that those responsible are neither well funded nor organized. All that points to someone local. But why?

Perhaps President Obama's initiatives to turn the American financial crisis aren't working fast enough and roused formerly illegally employed workers to action. Now that there are no longer jobs Americans won't do, illegal immigrants have been forced to return to Mexico. These points coupled with the fact that the flyers have greatest impact when the text is read in a stereotypical mexican accent lead one to wonder who Obama will make enemies with next.

Edgar Winter: Frankenstein: Live

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:49:00 +0000

Few things make me feel like this song. It's an ember of rage, lit by a spark of madness, and it grows until it engulfs the entire world. Good and bad both burned beyond recognition. And when it's over, that guitar will still shriek in my head, singing out to sweet oblivion.

Recorded at The Mosque Theater in Pittsburgh, PA in April, 1973.

When Books Do It: A Hi-Lo Literary Mashup

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:22:00 +0000

If books of vastly differing strata and subject are stored near each other, they will do it. That's what they don't tell you about Dewey Decimal! It's a system put in place to prevent the crossbreeding of certain kinds of books.

Anyway, a copy of The Brothers Karamazov (classic canonical literature) and Prince of Thieves (a romance novel) got loose and had a bit of a tryst. This is the result. Before you judge it, remember it will most likely not be accepted under any classification.

She found it difficult to take part in the conversation as the women talked of things, pictures, and images of which even soldiers would sometimes hesitate to speak. Only a fear of embarrassing her cousin prevented her from describing in detail just what fashion she'd been wearing of late.

There were many questions for her and comments about the handsome Sakim lord with whom she seemed to have some sort of connection. He was simply an early lover of humanity, and that he adopted the monastic life was simply because at that time it struck him, so to say, as the ideal escape for his soul struggling from the darkness of worldly wickedness to the light of love. Being highborn ladies all, they were very discreet, but it became apparent to Maryana that some stories were circulating about about him which made one feel at once (and it was so all his life afterwards) that he did not care to be a judge of others that he would never take it upon himself to criticise and would never condemn anyone for anything.

Her responses were guarded, but carefully calculated to titillate and provide grist from more conversation later. Part of this was pure deviltry on her part, but it was also intended to present Roderic in the best possible light. He was very strange even at that time, and had been so indeed from his cradle. But he was fond of people: he seemed throughout his life to put implicit trust in people: yet no one ever looked on him as a simpleton or naive person. She had no way of knowing which of these women might have some influence over their husband's decisions.

But she longed to be back in the dining room, which was a very sink of filthy debauchery, pleading Roderic's cause. It seemed possible, chaste and pure as he was, that if the Innish allied themselves with Roderic and the Sakims, her king might give up without a battle and withdraw to Neran soil with such booty as he'd already claimed.

Pointy Productivity: Starfucking

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:03:00 +0000

Where does the time go? It doesn't go anywhere. It gets spent. Like money. When Benjamin Franklin said, "Time is money", I don't think he meant that every moment is a chance to make another buck. He meant that time is a precious resource and, like money, if you spend it foolishly you end up a poorer person. So how are you spending your time foolishly? I don't know for sure, but I have a guess. It's your cyber starfucking.

Starfucker - A person obessessed with seeking out personal interaction with celebrities. The desired interaction may or may not be sexual in nature.

If you'd like your time online and your day in general to be more productive, you only need to follow a single simple rule. Don't be friends with celebrities. Don't be friends with celebrities on Facebook. Don't follow them on Twitter.

I can already feel you struggling to get away from this idea.

Celebrities, as a side effect of whatever their actual vocation, have a ton of free time, like to self-promote, and are no more clever or worthwhile than any other person living on the planet. Celebrities, however, do possess a special power. They always have our attention. The fact that so many people pay attention to everything they do gives them an ubersignificance. Everything they do seems unique and special, even when it so is not. They say, "Hey check out this stupid youtube video." And you run off and do it because they said so. They didn't find it themselves. They saw it on Fark, Metafilter or Digg. Or someone they know (in real life) sent it to them. That means it's out there for you to find too. Be your own celebrity and find your own cool shit.

You know what's not going to help you in your next difficult meeting? Whatever Youtube video just put a feather up Ashton Kutcher's ass. You know what Ryan Seacrest, the little imp man from American Idol, knows about that paper you haven't finished? Dick. Do you know what Oprah's going to tell you? Watch Oprah. Do you know that Ellen Degeneres is as creepy, if not creepier, than Rosie O Donnell? She is.

Celebrity tweets or status updates typically consist of:

1) Something you probably will never do but have seen celebrities do a lot. (I'm on Jimmy Fallon!)

2) Linking to something that involves them directly (See Soulpancake)

3) Shouting out to people you don't know and, most likely, have no interest in knowing. (Congratulations to my agent on his beautiful newborn fuck trophy.)

I can hear your fervent cries as I type this in the not too distant past. "But what if James Gunn and I get into a little back-and-forth about some link he puts up and then we exchange emails and he helps me achieve my dream of being a screenwriter!?! What then? What if that happens?" Let me address this in as clear terms as possible. If you want people (including celebrities) to notice you, do something worth noticing. Knowing the "right people" can be an important asset toward achievement. Having the right people seek you is better by an order of magnitude (that's the difference between 1000 and 100000000).

If you aren't doing anything interesting, then celebrities are a lot like regular people. Celebrities do not care what you do. They do not care what you tweet.

In conclusion, you should treat your friends more like you treat celebrities and treat celebrities like people you don't really know.

Bad Movie? Bad Ideas? Bad Boys 3

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:11:00 +0000

Hollywood isn't out of bad ideas yet. In an exercise of poor judgement unseen since the making of Bad Boys II, Columbia Pictures has started development for Bad Boys III.

Will Smith is reportedly excited to distance himself from dreary, meditative bullshit like 7 pounds and I Am Legend.

"I can't wait to get back to pointing guns at motherfuckers and yelling, 'Stop Motherfucker!', for millions and millions of dollars."

Costar Martin Lawrence also expressed interest in a third installment of the franchise, "Anything to get my ass out of making shit like this." Lawrence's comments were overheard at a script meeting of Wild Hogs 2: Fatter, Older, Triter.

The only missing component for completing what is possibly the most unnecessary trilogy in the history of cinema is a script which remains faithful to the characters, story, and vision of the first two films.

In a telephone interview, Michael Bay expressed trepidation regarding the search for the script. "I don't want some asshole who doesn't know how I fuck the frame trying to write it. I mean the last guy they offered this gig wanted to wait until page ten before the first explomo* sequence. I mean, what the fuck."

Reports that Michael Bay is a lesser demon using the film industry as a cover for creating fiery portals into hell remain unsubstantiated.

Jerry Bruckheimer had no comment.

More here.

*explomo - explosion/slow motion. A Michael Bay trademark.

New Riders Of The Purple Sage: Home Grown: Live

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 06:14:00 +0000

With California considering the legalization of marijuana to cope with a monumental budget short fall, I can't help but think that their estimates of a billion dollars in tax revenue is a bit low.

But about the song, It's just a quick and dirty little rock song with a relentless rhythm and efficient narrative.

Mexico has decriminalized, which will affect the availability just across the border, one would think.

Actually, part of what gives weed its cool cache is the illegality coupled with its demonstrable relative harmlessness. Weed has a commerciaized subculture unlike any other illegal substance. That subculture has persisted because it is profitable. Don't just tax maryjane. Tax bongs, pipes, papers, and screens. If marijuana was legal tomorrow, it would only be as cool as booze, cigarettes, coffee, energy drinks, prescription drugs, gambling, and high fructose corn syrup.

Oh and to all the California marijuana law reformers, you're welcome in advance for finding your theme song.

Pointy Productivity: What's Next?

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:56:00 +0000

What should I do next?

What should you do next? I don't know. Look around you. Use your environment. Can you fashion some rudimentary tools? What does it seem like you should do next? The answer could be staring you in the face.

However, completing a Facebook or OKcupid quiz is absolutely not the right answer. I'm going to save you a lot of moments of false revelation about your true nature. As it turns out, which historical period, Babylon 5 race, or Star Search Contestant you most resemble isn't as informative or useful as it sounds. This is the truth about you:

"You are curious about the world and how you fit into it. You have a desire to discover new things, not only about the world, but about yourself. You enjoy using the internet and would be quite lost without it. You have less true friends than you'd like. You have trouble connecting to people on a real emotional level. You think LOLCATS are the stupidest thing ever or funny and cute. You feel that you are very different from most people you know, however, you do not feel there is anything special about you. You have a low to moderate level of anxiety regarding pooping in strange places. You consider yourself intelligent, but find yourself scouring self improvement blogs and exclaiming, 'Well I know that!' And yet, you never grasp the irony. In short you are exactly who you think you are and completely aware of the person you'd like to be. So go monkeyshit insane and be that person, just for a day. Oh, and you are more likable when you're not worried about how likable you are."

Facebook quizzes are not scientific. They are based solely on the quiz writer's perception of a constellation of traits. So you're going to let some fucktard who's got nothing better to do than write a fucking facebook quiz define who you think you are? Who you are is a person who spends far too much time wondering/worrying about who you are and not nearly enough time BEING who you are.”

Also, if you were a condiment, you'd be brown horseradish mustard. Deal.

Glenn Beck Loses Advertiser; Strikes Back.

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:22:00 +0000

Glenn Beck has lost a number of advertisers, but in true Fox News zealotry, he's singling out just one company for his Johnny Unitas haircut having wrath. A well-placed source on the janitorial staff at Fox News has confirmed that Glenn Beck will initiate a boycott of Clorox bleach. Clorox is one of 33 advertisers who've pulled their advertising from Beck's show. It has also been confirmed that Beck has dubbed the boycott, "The Skidmark Revolution".

Apparently, he will be encouraging his viewers to boycott Clorox and fly their "tightey whiteys" in protest and to anally maintain the boycott's "thin brown picket line". Beck's comments will include a very special entreaty to conservative Christian households.

"Jesus gave us the ass gravy and it should be considered blasphemous and unpatriotic to hide or remove it." Beck will then cry for 8 minutes and joke about the extraordinary cleanliness of President Obama's "draws".

In order to promote the ass-roots political action, Beck will appear on his show in his own pair of tightey- whiteys with "the brown eye seal of approval". Ever the savvy broadcaster, Beck's underwear will also reportedly be 2 sizes too small in order to curry favor with new advertiser, Welch's Grape Juice.

7 George W. Bush Memoir Titles

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:21:00 +0000

Top 7 Titles for the inevitable George W. Bush Memoir With Excerpts.

Al Queda, Pretzels, Dick And Other Stuff That Tried To Kill Me.

No assassin is more dangerous than a delicious one. Pretzels are good too.

They Stopped Letting Me Google Myself In 2003.

Who was this Dubya? I had to know more. I did a yahoo search and finally found "the google".

Flight Suit Ride-Up And Other Daily Briefings.

Just a monstrous level of jock itch. It was a Crawford size brush fire on the presidential dangle!

Hooked on Phonics Is Bullshit!

It's like Intendo games. You have to be a wizard or a five-year-old to completely understand.

Prayer Don't Cure Hangovers.

Sweet holy lord Jesus Christ, my savior, take this aching and itching from my head, neck, shoulders, and anus.

My Pet Dick.

See Dick Lie. See Dick Threaten. See me place fake spider in Dick's desk. See Dick Clutch his chest. Clutch, Dick, Clutch.

Dubbin.

It was only in my second term that I could understand and appreciate the music of the Rasta. Yes friends, from the left hand side.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: Coping Strategies

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 13:14:00 +0000

A list of seven things you can do to make the film, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, more entertaining.

7. Pretend It's a documentary about an extreme LARP.

6. Let Marlon Wayans' presence lead you to believe the entire film is simply a very long and well funded In Living Color sketch. Wait for Fire Marshall Bill.

5. Sneak a flask of firewater in with you and drink every time a "serious moment" is laugh-out-loud stupid.

4. Scan clumps of extras and bit parts for anyone who could have played Roadblock or Shipwreck.

3. Pretend it isn't a movie but a very special episode of Punk'd and the joke is on Dennis Quaid.

2. Mentally recast the film with actors from "The Office" and "How I Met Your Mother". *This may require mind altering drugs.*

1. Bring your MP3 player. Every time a character reaches out desperately for another, things go into slow motion, or Marlon Wayans has a line, cue up the chorus to "Wind Beneath My Wings". Bonus points for using this version.

Allman Brothers: Whipping Post: Live

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:58:00 +0000

There's no other way to say it. This song comes right at you. And you can't run fast enough. It grabs you right at the base of your soul and winds upward. Then it starts a long, slow squeeze. Eventually, you succumb. And you awaken, changed. Recorded live at the Fillmore East 06/27/71.

Christopher Walken: The Definitive Collection

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 03:01:00 +0000

For whatever reason, "Christopher Walken Jokes" is the most popular search that directs to Raging Titter. So for those intrepid googlers, I present the definitive Christopher Walken Youtube/Hulu collection.

I'll start you off nice and easy with a little Kevin Pollack.

Now Eddie Izzard, master of surreal impressionism, takes a whack at "The Walken".

Some dude from Youtube. He's really got those low, raspy voice drops down.

The man himself. Watch him descend into an impression of the collective impression around him.

And finally, the definitive Walken.

How It Gets Down: The Book

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 15:53:00 +0000

"How It Gets Down" is not a real book. I made it up for this thread on Metafilter. Sometimes I just like to point out that Metafilter gets all wrapped up in the wrong part of the conversation. Sometimes it's good not to obsessively assign meaning and value to every notion that comes with some form of pseudo-intellectual street cred. So you can stop searching for this book title now. Go write it yourself. And quit emailing me asking for it. Good Day.

David Sedaris and The Latest NPR Fundraising Scheme

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:38:00 +0000

I actually think this would help the biweekly pledge drives over to NPR.

Honestly, I envy anyone that can do a David Sedaris impression without it sounding like Snagglepuss.

Tell me you don't see it.

Creative Writing Meets Internet

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:05:00 +0000

Using Dr. Wicked's Write or Die application I freewrote some spam email. Presented poorly edited for your enjoyment.

wwwwPower funk power bars are the best power bars money can buy, because they're made with money. All of the abandon paper currency is going to waste in this unreasonable economic times. The love one has for one's country can't override the need for food and that's where power funk power bars come into the picture. Take the sting out of losing all the cash you stashed, what you thought was, safely away in your 401k. The time is now! Seek out your friends and neighbors and tell them to get on the Power Funk kick today! The last thing this old world needs is a big bunch of crybaby whiners who can't possibly control themselves. We need to fight for love or money, but not both. Power Funk power bars allow this hellish place we find ourselves in to be just a little more tolerable. The worst thing that can happen to any of us is the loss of our personal and financial security. September 11th 2001 the first one went bye-bye. The second one just walked out the door a few months ago. How can we keep moving forward in a time this terrible? With Power Funk power bars, of course!

Raging Titter Radio Episode 25 (Down In Flames)

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:38:00 +0000

Raging Titter Radio Episode 25 (Down In Flames)

This One Crashes AND Burns.

Featuring:

Erection Process

Your Favorite Candidate Sucks

America's Salesman

With a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Love Equals Death

Gym Class Heroes

Every Avenue

Raging Titter Radio Episode 24 (Money To Burn)

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 02:02:00 +0000

Raging Titter Radio Episode 24 (Money To Burn)

Show Notes 070408

Independence Day

Public Enemies

The Marathon Station

Mansions

Song: The Worst Part

Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog

Moxie

Song: Take A Chance

Red Octane

The Blow Me State

Quit Killing Grandma

Heavenly States

Song: Get Lost In The Light

Chick Fight!!!

Happy Birthday Amanda

A Cursive Memory

Song: Everything

Raging Titter Blog

Raging Titter Myspace

SinisterPurposeATgmailDOTcom

YouTube

Complete 133rd Preakness Stakes Results

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Sun, 18 May 2008 16:01:00 +0000

Once again, the complete results from the race at Pimlico are difficult to find online. So here they are:

1. (7) Big Brown
2. (2) Macho Again
3. (3) Icabad Crane
4. (6) Racecar Rhapsody
5. (9) Stevil
6. (8) Kentucky Bear
7. (13) Hey Byrn
8. (11) Giant Moon
9. (2) Tres Borrachos
10. (4) Yankee Bravo
11. (12) Gayego
12. (10) Riley Tucker

The (5) horse, Behind At The Bar, was scratched.

The staff of Raging Titter hopes you didn't bet the kids college money.

Complete 134th Kentucky Derby Results.

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Sat, 03 May 2008 23:20:00 +0000

It took me forever to get the complete results, so I put them up for you.

1. (20) Big Brown
2. (5) Eight Belles
3. (16) Denis Of Cork
4. (2) Tale Of Akati
5. (18) Recapturetheglory
6. (10) Colonel John
7. (3) Anak Nakal
8. (9) Pyro
9. (17) Cowboy Cal
10. (6) Z Fortune
11. (12) Smooth Air
12. (8) Visionaire
13. (4) Court Vision
14. (11) Z Humor
15. (1) Cool Coal Man
16. (13) Bob Black Jack
17. (19) Gayego
18. (7) Big Truck
19. (15) Adriano
20. (14) Monba

The staff of Raging Titter hopes your gambling addiction is going really well.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 23 (So Much For)

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 05:01:00 +0000

Get The Show Here

videos

HOWLIN' WOLF

CHELSEA Z

SARAH DASHEW

AMV By AIJE

CHANCE

Show Notes 032708

Don't Say It

CruiseBox

Song: On A Podcast

Process Vs. Product

Aije's Other Account

Aije: The Interview

Luman

Song: All About You

Cross Promote & Network

JustJudith

Sarah Dashew: The Interview

Latch Key Kid

Song: Yesterday

All Great Things

Travis & The Standard Issue

Destiny

John Statz

Song: Can The Circle Be Unbroken

Raging Titter Blog

Raging Titter Myspace

SinisterPurposeATgmailDOTcom

News Simple.

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 19:07:00 +0000

I don't like to news blog, but a couple stories caught my eye. Let's dig in.

HEADLINE! Fat Fuck Gets Off!

No, unfortunately this is not a story about an internet porno download going exactly as planned. Apparently an Outagamie county jury threw an impromptu party in the ass of justice by acquitting a drunk driver who struck and paralyzed a young woman.

The young woman, Tiffany Pohl, now a quadriplegic, was not present for the announcement of the verdict.

The acquittal seems a direct result of shoddy police work. Despite the lack of expertise they seem to display in matters of investigation, I can attest that the Police of Appleton and Outagamie County are expert ticket writers and always respond to citizen calls with the mild enthusiasm one expects from dilettantes.

Citizens of the Fox Valley please note: Randall Ashauer is buying the drinks and toasting the police.

***Update***
04/13/09

Tiffany Pohl has entered into a defamation lawsuit with a Combined Locks man over a comment made on her get well website. Click here for the story.

HEADLINE! Brett Favre Finally Retires!

Let's all take a moment to mourn his passing.

HA!

Now if it's real blogging you want go check out justjudith.

Raging Titter Radio Episode 21 (All This Machinery)

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:33:00 +0000

Raging Titter Radio Episode 21 (All This Machinery)

Featuring:

Rush

Dark Berries

On Rock of Love

We're back with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Menomena

Moxie

Horrorpops

Raging Titter Radio Episode 20 (How To Deal)

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 12:26:00 +0000

Raging Titter Radio Episode 20 (How To Deal)

You Can't Bend The Rules, You Gotta Break 'Em In Half.

Featuring:

Cologne & Beer

Writer's Strike

All In

We're back with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Wind Is Mindblowing

Bright Eyes

Moxie

Raging Titter Radio Episode 19 (Welcome to Thunderdome)

noreply@blogger.com (SinisterPurpose) — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 02:20:00 +0000

Raging Titter Radio Episode 19 (Welcome to Thunderdome)

Come visit the nirvana of the end times.

Featuring:

Podcast Apocalypse

Zombies Ruin Dinner

In The Closet

We're back with a thematically intact soundtrack.

Featuring:

Peasant

Twilight Hotel

Killola (Who are Kick @$$ Mother Truckers)